Great Ideas

I’ve always wanted to come up with the world’s next great idea that will make me wealthy.

One of my “great ideas” was to make a cheap version of the world’s most expensive coffee called Kopi luwak.

The real product involves using partially digested coffee cherries that have passed through the digestive system of an Asian Palm civet. So, I bought some coffee beans at Walmart and force-fed them to my cat “Fluffy”. I’m not sure why, but my wife tossed the litter pan into the garbage before I could retrieve the “material” for my brew and “Fluffy” still hisses at me when I approach her with a treat. Undaunted, my next great idea was to do something about my heating bills. After the furnace exploded on my first attempt, my wife now forbids me to touch our newly installed furnace. I needed a change of strategy and that is when I stumbled upon the idea of adipose insulation. I would simply pad my body with extra layers of fat to feel warmer in the cold winter months. According to my wife, my “experiment” had already begun a few years ago but I moved on, eating pies, cakes, fast food, and pizza until I felt ready for the winter. Every great man of science knows that the key to a successful experiment is the control group and for that, my wife maintained her trim and slender form. I’m proud to say my experiment was a success. I kept the thermostat at 55°F all winter. She shivered the entire time while I was quite comfy with my added layer of adipose tissue. Unfortunately, the gym membership and marriage counseling sessions I needed that spring cost more than what I had saved over the winter.

Whole home heating