My great ideas are not so great

I’ve always wanted to come up with the world’s next invention that will make me wealthy, and one of my “great ideas” was to make a cheap version of the world’s most high-priced coffee that would be called Kopi luwak! The real product involves using partially digested Coffee cherries that have already passed through the digestive plan of an Asian Palm civet animal.

  • I bought some Coffee beans at Walmart & force-fed them to our animal “Fluffy”! I’m not sure why it happened, but my wifey tossed the litter pan into the garbage before I could even retrieve the “material” for our coffee brew & “Fluffy” still hisses at me when I approach her with a treat now.

Undaunted, the next plan I had was to do something about our heating bills… After the gas furnace exploded on our first attempt, my wifey now forbids me to touch our newly installed gas furnace at all. So I needed a change of strategy & that is when I stumbled upon the plan of adipose insulation. I could simply pad my own body with extra layers of fat to get warmer in the frosty Winter time months. According to my wifey, our “experiment” had already begun a few years ago even though I moved on, eating pies, cakes, fast food, & burgers until I felt ready for the winter. Every smart scientist knows that the key to a successful experiment is the control group. For that, my wifey tested her trim & slender form. I’m now proud to say our experiment was a success. I kept the temperature control in our house at 55°F all winter. She shivered the entire time, but I was quite comfy with an added layer of adipose tissue. Unluckily, the gym membership & marriage counseling sessions we needed that Springtime cost way more than what I had saved over the winter.

Air conditioning worker